I'm now 60. Married 15 years. I have 1 son. The bright spot in my life. (Him & our beloved Chicago Cubs!) He moved back to Iowa to "be near his Mom". He seemed happy not working in the restaurant business-short lived. His working at Lake of The Ozarks, Mo was 2 sided. His regular work & being tutored to be a Chef. His friends had a friend who was interested in opening a new & different restaurant. He was hired as The Executive Head Chef. He is a Wizard of Food. His young imagination has come up with food a person doesn't get anywhere. It has become the newest hot spot in Cedar Rapids!
He's at the top of his dream and Mom is at the lowest ever.
I came home, to my family to live in the town Care Center. Husband in tow. I think I've made more mistakes in 6 months than 6 decades. I've become demanding & mean. The family that was so much wanting me to come here, would do a dance if we left....it's being considered. But I've made friends & old friends have come. I don't know.
I've read what I wrote 6 years ago & would love to be able to go back 6 years! Just reading it was depressing. SO much has changed. My husband gained independence when the VA gave him a scooter. It gave him a way to go back to something I'd hoped was gone with his tumor. His alcohol abuse. His choice of drink is anything to get drunk. I was going to say forget his handicap. But that would be making an excuse. He's a Big Book, been to more treatments than I can count. A 100% raging alcoholic. When he used to drink, we would battle, physically. I'd always get the worst of it but got my licks in too. As my own physical illnesses became worse, I couldn't even know where he got the money to buy it. I caught him stealing it a few times. The most embarrassing was seeing him riding on a scooter in Walmart drunk! He was opening bottles, drinking some & putting them down. He was given the boot. They could've charged him with shoplifting, child endangerment (putting the bottles low) but due to his status, handicapped Veteran. He was not allowed back in ever or be changed. A wall listened better. I would attempt to go in quickly, but never did & he would sneak in & buy or steal yet another.
As that got worse, I became an Amazon shopper & I guess, a hoarder. Below, it says I'm starting PT. I now hate PT. My legs are weakened by the scoliosis & the high dose pain meds leave me tired. I get ultrasound & spot massage, today I had a new person that had me doing thing I did 6 months ago with little problems & as I lay here at 4:00 am, legs are cramping & my former good leg gets picked up & moved. I asked for an air mattress top thing. It's harder than the mattress. It's coming off.
Since 8/17/10, I've gone down hill with my MS, but it has taken a back seat. My husband had a 3 cm brain tumor removed. He was in the VA 124 days. It was cancerous, but not of the brain. But he has them baffled-can't find any...at all.
I stayed tough, I had to. Since he's been home, I'm the care giver, & very frustrated. It was on his right brainstem, & now has to learn everything righthanded. This month, I fell-hard, landed on my head. Huge bump, concussion. It still hurts. I also started having sore hands. Arthritis, also in my knees, after a previous fall. Am starting PT.
I'm 54, married for 9 yrs...(#2). I have 1 son, 28. Awesome family, that has been forced to get closer due to the deaths of my Dad & my 43 yr. old brother within 2 years of cancer. I have secondary progressive MS.BUT It doesn't have ME! I hate it. I also suffer from severe depression & major anxiety-both for a long time. I found a quote..."I'm selfish, impatient, & a little insecure. I make mistakes, am out of control & a little hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst.....you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best". Marlyn Monroe...this just about describes me...but I'm far from selfish. I tend to be a bit thin skinned, & that's due to me not getting over my brothers death. He & I were a duo. I miss him a lot. I've spent more time in the hospital for the mental thing than the MS.