45947-full
mountainlion
Sex: F
Data Quality: 1 star
Bipolar Disorder
Depression: 0
Mania: 1
Emotional: 0
Anxiety: 1
Compulsion: 0
External Stress: Moderate
Rx
38 F
Function: Moderate
Distress: Low

mountainlion

Female, 38 years
Durango, CO

Primary Condition
Bipolar Disorder and 3 more
First symptom
Diagnosis

About mountainlion

The following poem was written in the course of two to three hours in the spring of 2005. It was a response to a poem I heard at a poetry group in the city of Berkeley, CA. I was offended by another participant's poem in which she made light of Bipolar Disorder. The title, "Bye Bipolar Bear", is the only part of it that I remember. In fact, it may have been the only part of the poem that made light of Bipolar. It was enough, apparently, to set me off. My family and friends have found the poem quite helpful in regards to understanding me, my behaviour and my choices in life. I'm really glad I wrote "Bipolar Expression" because it reminds me of how bad untreated bipolar disorder really is. I've noticed that it is easy to forget the intensity of the emotional pain and mental anguish that I felt for so many years, now that I've been on a prescription drug regimen that works for me. For me to be of any service to others, it's important to remember what it is like to be in the grip of a high, low or mixed episode. Highly unpleasant, but ultimately temporary. Enjoy, Bipolar Expression Some people laugh When they hear about Bipolar Depression So I am here Thank God To tell you about Bipolar Expression My bipolar story starts at the age of eleven Barely out of sixth grade Hardly into seventh I approached my mom one day and said “I think I’m depressed” She responded “That music you listen to has got you messed Up So she took it away Oh Once famous for my smile It was no longer genuine So I put it away High school years The pain did not lessen I often thought death would be my best option Either mine, or someone else’s However, I did find an escape One of schools blessings Grades So I made the A’s Performance, perfection became my obsession All the while my depression Eluded detection College Same thing but harder at best I had to work twice as hard to keep up with the rest Depression you see disrupts concentration Causes anxiety and pre-explosive frustration That pre-explosive frustration weakens the body’s defenses Causes brain damage, heart damage And makes me more susceptible to stresses and tensions And depression I graduated college summa cum laude and a mess With awards and plaques and internal distress And still no one knew I was bipolar depressed Even though I constantly binged and began to sleep less One day I walked around town with a friend He practically had to carry me home in the end As my body was wracked with sobs From where and why I didn’t know But they just wouldn’t end It was another expression Of my Bipolar Depression Years have passed since that soul-sobbing session So you may wonder “has she gotten over depression?” That’s not how it works with this medical condition Yes, medical condition, Bipolar Depression Like diabetes, muscular dystrophy and genetic heart defect It’s a malfunction of our natural fight-or-flight reflex In the last two to three years I’ve watched my ability lessen To adapt and adjust and fight off emotional infection And I’m tired So tired that sometimes it takes me a day to recover after doing the laundry I wish I were kidding Let me remind you that we’re talking about Bipolar Depression We’re not talking about PMS depression Broke up with the girlfriend depression Missed my episode of Friends depression Or the Steelers lost again depression We’re talking about Bipolar Depression The medical condition What is Bipolar in Bipolar Depression? It’s part of the same mood disorder Just at the opposite end of the spectrum Manic is another name for this expression Of Bipolar Depression Euphoria is what some experience as the pain of depression lifts and lessens Hallucinations in the worst case If you don’t count trying to prove to your friends that you can fly Or buy more than you can afford Or now that you have the energy Carry out all the suicide ideation From your years of depression Me, I usually just experience extreme irritation Like every inch of me is sun burnt raw And someone keeps tapping me to get my attention Sometimes it gets out of control And to protect myself and others I have to throw myself into a deep, dark hole And sleep it off If I am lucky Cause other times it’s like having the tight breathing And heart racing Of someone running a marathon with no finish line in sight For days Fortunately there is medication for this medical condition Fight-or-flight malfunction Emotional affliction As for me I am grateful The relief is unmistakable But it is not the end of Bipolar Depression It’s more like a cast A bone healing support And a muscle restriction So while these meds are supporting my ability to function They at the same time are sapping my strength So when it’s time to walk without medication I won’t be able to do it without intensive rehabilitation If ever Bipolar depression, the medical condition Is progressive Meaning: as the years go by The episodes deepen and quicken There is no cure You’ll even find that in the psychiatrist’s edition of Bipolar Depression Just aspirin for sadness where stitches are needed But don’t let me make you think there’s no hope For this biophysical Mental-emotional Oppression For me it’s all about intuition Trusting myself, my inherent God-given wisdom This Bipolar Depression, the medical condition Is part of the journey I decided to take When I signed up for this earth-bound soul position Do I think there’s a cure for Bipolar Depression? I think not of cure, but rather holistic resolution It will take inner growth And personal human evolution Not to mention a little help from my friends Good food And essential plant medicine Anyway, next time you hear someone talk about Bipolar Depression Listen closely, speak gently And by all means remember That it is an emotional affliction A serious medical condition. Thank you.
Profile Activity
2,861 Views
Member since: Dec 08, 2008
Last Login Aug 29, 2012

Other Conditions

  1. Major Depressive Disorder
    First symptom
    Diagnosis
    Stopped
    Stopped Reason
    I was misdiagnosed. It was actually Bipolar Disorder.
  2. Mild Depression
    First symptom
    Diagnosis
    Undiagnosed
    Stopped
    Stopped Reason
    I was misdiagnosed. It was actually Bipolar Disorder.
  3. Seasonal Affective Disorder
    First symptom
    Diagnosis
    Stopped
    Stopped Reason
    I was misdiagnosed. It was actually Bipolar Disorder.