*~Soon I will learn to accept defeat with my head held high, eyes open wide, with the grace of a woman not the grief of a child~*
Found out recently that I am Bi-Polar! I also have OCD, PTSD, Panic Disorder, Insomnia, and Anxiety Disorder. I have Degenerative Disk Disease, Spinal Stenosis, Fibromyalgia, broken tail bone, 5 herniated disks in my neck, and arthritis in my entire back, neck, hips, and spine. I fell down three flights of stairs.
I am 29 years old and I have three beautiful children ages 13, 11, and 9. They are my life... they make my world go round. I try to be the best I can for them. They make me a better person. I try to not let my illnesses affect them so they can live happy wonderful lives. That is my dream for them!
So a little more about me... What to say what to say. I've had most of my MI's since I was a child. I was severely abused by my Meth addicted parents and I was kidnapped at the age of 8, held for around 5-6 hours, and raped. Besides the severe physical and mental abuse, my mother's death is also why I have PTSD. I've been an Insomniac since I was a kid and my mother is the reason why. She used to come home drunk as a skunk in the middle of the night and yank us by our hair out of the beds screaming about a spot she saw on a dish. Then we had to clean all night until it was time for school. Eventually, I learned that if I didn't go to sleep she couldn't surprise me.
I'm not your average girl and I always speak my mind. Some people like it some don't. That doesn't mean I am going to change. I love who I am and it has taken me years to become this person. I was always molding myself into what others wanted me to be and now I'm just me... Honest to a fault.
I'm very sensitive emotionally but also hard as nails. I use words to strike or console... Make peace or make war. I don't need to use my fists because my words work better. I can be a really mean person but it takes a lot to get me to that point.
Normally I'm just quite unless someone gets me talking about something I love to talk about and then it's hard to shut me up. I love life and all the struggles that come with it. Though I have many MI's and PI's I still am happy because I am alive and though I take so many meds they help make me function so I can be somewhat human. I thank God for those.
I am in love with a wonderful man. We met when we were 14 and started dating when we were 15. I lost my V-Card to him when a month after I turned 16 and that is the night I conceived our oldest and only son. We had our oldest daughter at 18 in January and then married in April. THAT was a dumb thing to do. :) We though it was best for our children. We tried for a long time to keep our "Marriage" together but it just didn't work. We separated and filed for divorce at the age of 20. Then I got pregnant. That little blue eyed Angel changed both our lives in ways I could never put into adequate enough words. She showed us that YES we truly loved each other and that we BOTH wanted to make it work.
A little less or a little more than a year after we divorced we remarried. We always say our first marriage was our "Test Run" that went horribly wrong. This time we know what we're doing. We're happy, thriving, and falling more in love every day. He's amazing in every way and makes me feel like a queen when I feel no better than the jester! Obviously he knows about every single one of my illnesses and a couple he diagnosed! LOL Without him by my side I don't know how I would have made it through the tough times. He's always by my side and when I'm down as low as I can get it's always his hand waiting to pull me back up! We do have our ups and downs as do all couples. My heart breaks for him because no man signs up to deal with such a sick woman every single day for the rest of his life... But, he's an amazingly strong man and I fall in love with him over and over. As I always tell him, "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you!" I mean every word! :) <3
My kids are my everything and without them I would be nothing. My children are my heroes. I'm not a perfect person and I make many mistakes yet they love me unconditionally regardless of my flaws and shortcomings. They teach me to be a better more beautiful person on the inside and out. I owe my life to them and thank God everyday that I get to wake up to their beautiful faces. For a very long time I was very sick and unfortunately my children were the ones who suffered. They had no mom and a dad that was always taking care of mom. But they are such resilient amazing creatures and took it all in stride. Eventually things got so bad I attempted suicide... Unfortunately my poor 8 year old daughter was the one who found me. She saved my life that day. After I was released from the ICU I went to the Mental Hospital self admit for about a week and during that time we discussed finally telling the children about my issues. I was terrified but my husband won and so when I got home we spilled the beans. It was absolutely the most incredible thing we could have ever done for our children... For our FAMILY!! Educating our children empowered them and now instead of just my husband yelling at me to take my meds he sends his little mob squad to make sure I take them every single day! And I love it. Our children are happier and our family life has fallen perfectly into place! We are living the American dream.
My birthday is May 15 and my favorite color is green. My favorite day of the week is Wednesday and I hate thursdays. LOL Wierd I know but that's me! Alrighty then... anything else you want to know you're just going to have to ask.