Physical and mental pain, some days are better than others. The meds do help. I have not worked for over 3 years now. I am filling for SS Disability, have been turned down 2 times, we don't have a court date yet for the 3rd time, but it should be sometime soon. I have issues with sleep, short term memory, depression, social anxiety running thoughts, no motivation or the energy to do much. I had my left hip replaced due to the top of my femur died due to loss of blood flow. During therapy I was getting better then just when I was feeling good the pain started coming back. Dr's don't know why.
I have known my wife since 8/2000. She was living in a spare bedroom of her grown daughters trailer. She had no car and was walking to work in the winter. I gave her and 9 year old daughter a car and a very nice 180K home place to stay. We have been married for last 7 1/2 years. It hasn't been a perfect marriage, but we have always worked out our problems and moved on. She always would put in a note or card YWFL (Your Wife For Life).
A few weeks before this last Easter my wife started acting different. She quit kissing me bye, stopped calling me at lunch break and started talking to me less and less as time went on. I asked her what was wrong and she said "It's just me, I'm in a weird mood." She said she prayed every night that she would die in her sleep. She quit going to church. Well this mood kept getting worse and I kept on suggesting she see and talk with someone about depression. She claimed she was not depressed. She would sleep more and more and her weight was going down rather fast also.
I could see I was losing my wife that I love so very much. I asked her again one day as to what was wrong. She said that it was as much her fault as mine. She missed her 2 youngest kids. Tyler is in the Navy and is in Japan, she gave custody of him to her drug using and drinking ex-husband years ago. And when her daughter and I had some problems 4 years ago my wife sent her daughter to her dads. I begged her not to do it with tears running down my face, but she couldn't sign those papers fast enough knowing what kind of environment she was sending her into. Her ex is from what he says is drug free now, but he let his daughter run the streets. That started her into the new life of sex, drugs and drinking. She was arrested this summer.
My wife said she wants a relationship with her daughter as much as I wanted my relationship to be like it was with her. So nothing really happened between wife and I other than her own guilt for throwing her kids away.
My wife moved to the upstairs the end of April and would not eat the food I always have cooked for her. She quit talking to me and became very rude. It was like she was trying to hurt me emotionally, and she did. She started spending nights away from here without letting me know.
First week of June she told me for last 2 weeks that she had made up her mind to leave me. She called her friend to pick her up. As she was waiting for that ride she started packing up her stuff into 2 suitcases and her computer. Her friend would not come to the house. My wife brought everything back into the house, but she took the dog. It was just to hurt me, I am so much in love with that little dog. I have never been away from the dog a single day since she came home to us. My wife had said in past that our little dog helped with my own issues a lot.
My mother passed away also during all of this. My emotions are all over the place. I can't sleep. I can't remember events. I lose track of time so easy. I cry almost every day, I feel so stressed and depressed all the time. I miss my wife and little dog so very much. It all just sucks. I don't know what to do. I can't really plan anything out, I don't know what to do next. I just live day to day with hardly any money coming in. Pray for me please, Chuck
Mar 05, 2010
Sep 30, 2010