I'm 15 and suffer from depression, insomnia, anxiety and anorexia. I guess I'm so messed up because I can't find any medication that works for me, and the root cause of the majority of my problems are my parents, and there's not much i can do in the way of getting new ones. I was hospitalized in Dec. 2008 for a failed suicide attempt.
I love playing the guitar and drums, and I write and read more than your average adult. Umm. yeah. thats all I can fit.
First and foremost, I am no one but myself. There are cooler people than me, for sure, but that doesn't mean I want to be them. Because then who would be me? I do what I want to do, wear what I want to wear, and say what I want to say to whoever I want to say it to. Because I'm not afraid of the reaction. It doesn't matter to me what people think of me, because things like that only affect you if you give it permission to.
People have before said that they've never met anyone like me. That may very well be true. I don't think I'm anything special, but if you want to think so, I'm fine with that:) I am very opinionated, and though I do know the right time and place to say something, most of the time, I just don't care and say it anyway. Because of this, teachers tend to either love, hate, or fear me. I'm never an in-between, invisible student, because I want to be remembered for who I am, not for what I didn't say.
I am a vegetarian, and I have been for close to 5 years now. I took kickboxing and karate for a while, but I quit. My mom put me in there for anger management, but not only did it present me with the opportunity to kick children in the face, it taught me to be a better fighter, but taught me no restraint.
I am a naturally violent person. Almost any of my friends can attest to that. The majority of the time, I don't mean to seriously hurt people. I'm just messing around and happen to see someone standing there with their balls unprotected and BOOM. Ha-ha, I just kicked you in the balls. But that doesn't mean I am to be taken lightly. Because I do have severe anger problems, and get frustrated quickly and easily.
My friends say I give good advice. Maybe I do. I know the sensible, smart thing to do in a situation, but I myself can never do. I can give the advice that I cannot take. Why? Well, to put it bluntly, I care a hell of a lot more about my friends than I do myself. And like I said before, I will do what I want to do, and when it comes to me, I don't think things through.
I'm a very impulsive person. There's no denying that. I could never condone my actions in another person, but with me, I see it differently. I like to live life on the edge. I don't want to be sheltered and protected from everything. I want to fall down and get hurt. I want to get in trouble and face the consequences. Because I will never learn until I experience. You can tell me again and again that if I shoplift and get caught, I will be arrested and have to pay a fine. But I didn't figure that one out until I shoplifted, got caught, was arrested, and had to pay a big-ass fine. It's the whole "Indestructible teenager It-Won't-Happen-To-Me" complex. I am aware of that. But like I said, I don't think things through.
Contrary to popular belief, I love to read. I have ever since I used to be read to as a small child. I remember in elementary school being awarded the top reader award every year, and though some people see that as nerdy, I see it as an experience that I had that they didn't. My love for reading gave birth to a love for writing, and it's become much of who I am.
I love my friends to death. Though I oftentimes find myself alone at school, that's more of a situational thing than having no friends. First trimester, I had tons of people to hang out with, and had a great time. Second trimester, my boyfriend got expelled and my best friend moved, so those numbers shrank considerably, and here in the third trimester, everyone switched to first lunch, and I read in the bathrooms alone. But that doesn't mean that the people who love me aren't there. They're just not... there there.
I also have found myself head over heels in love with the most passionate, caring, and fun guy in the world. Joshua Emery Huddleston. Who knew that 8th grade health class would lead to a 18+ month relationship? I'm not gonna lie-we've definitely had our ups and downs. But that's a natural part of things. It wasn't until our 8th month of dating that we ever had a fight, and to be frank, I was relieved. I knew it wasn't a good thing that things were running so smoothly for so long. And yeah, since then, we've had our fair share of fights, and even a few breaks, but because of it I love him now more than I ever have before, and I don't ever want anyone else. He's taught me so much about myself, about him, and about everyone and everything around me, and I can't thank him enough for it, because without him, I can imagine where I would be, and it's nothing that I want. When he and I first met, I had just gotten out of a <b>bad</b> situation at LOJH, and I walked with my head down, spoke mainly only when spoken to, and thought nothing of myself. How could an ordinary person not only reverse that, but do it in less than a year? That is merely ONE reason why I am convinced that my lover is extraordinary.
As I've gotten older and matured, a lot of things have changed. And one of them is religion. Ever since I was young, my parents made me go to church with them, and I hated it. In the 5th grade, however, we switched churches, and I began to enjoy it. But that was because of the friends I made there. I even went as far as lying to my parents about how much I loved it and wanted to go, all because my new boyfriend had been there. For a while, I convinced myself that I loved God, and that I was a devout Christian. But over the past maybe 2 years I realized, that was not my love for God. That was my parents' love being forced upon me. I have nothing against those who are religious, and I admire those who are open about it to everyone. I don't think that religion should be something that people have to explain, or apologize for. It is their choice. But for now, organized religion is not a part of my life.
I am going to be straightforward and honest. I am not mentally stable. Oh, I'm strong, sure, mentally and physically, but it is more than apparent that I am chemically unbalanced. I have been clinically depressed since the 5th grade, and since then have been diagnosed with Bipolarity, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, Insomnia, and anger problems. My insomnia began 2 winters ago, around the time I got Mono. I began to have horrible nightmares, and I was afraid to sleep for weeks. As a result of that, I began having severe issues both falling asleep and staying asleep. It waxes and wanes, depending on situation, but it's not rare for me to sleep 2 nights per school week, and even then sleep less than 3 hours. I've been on countless medications for it, but I react to nothing.
I can play guitar hero like nobody's business, and my favourite cereal is Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I despise olives, black licorice, and meat of any kind. I spend the majority of my time wishing I was in another time and place, and I just want the next few years to pass as quickly as possible.
LIKES: Kisses. Monster. Loud music. Photo comments. Fuzzy blankets. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Taco Bell. Sitting on the roof. Singing. Driving in convertibles. Playing with snakes. Cutting hair. Writing. Annoying Mr. Low. Humming in English class. Texting. Arizona Green tea&Lemonade. Traveling. Shopping. Surprises. Cake. Fingernail polish. Walking. Being outside. Piercing things. Taking pictures. Showering. Giving advice. Not following my own advice. Dying my hair. Making things. Shaving my legs. Re-arranging my room. Washing cars. Swinging on swings. Bean&cheese burritos. Baking. Prank phone calls. Hoodies with thumb holes.
DISLIKES: Meat. Poseurs. Ignorant people. Olives. Artichokes. Volleyball. Math. Lies. Heartbreak. Nagging parents. Pointless rules. Dresscode violations. Detention. Not wearing socks. Country music. Toe socks. Coca cola. Black licorice. Bad breath. Cheap eyeshadow that creases.
Jun 22, 2009
Nov 02, 2010