I'm a anxiety/depression person. I remember my first feelings of isolation around the age of 12, with a feeble suicide attempt at 16. I'm married with a child who is close to the teen years. I'm currently taking Wellbutrin for depression and Buspar for anxiety...well, the generics of these actually. I find it very difficult to be around people, it's very uncomfortable for me and I generally end up sounding like an idiot. I'm afraid my son will be like me, or will be negatively affected by my presence in his life. I often think my child and husband would be better off without me.
Hi, if someone actually reads this and feels a little less alone in the world, then writing it will have been worthwhile. Otherwise, I'm just so sick to death about rehashing my problems in my own head that I wish I could run away from myself. I feel like no one likes me, and if they do, then it's because they have a misconception about me. If they really knew me, they wouldn't like me at all. If people do like me and are around me very long they can see what an idiot I am. I get nervous and tongue tied, and can't finish my sentences because I can't remember my complete thoughts. Can't remember names, which REALLY offends people. I worry about everything I say to people, that I may accidently hurt their feelings or be too gruff with them. On an occasion that I am worried like that, I'll usually stew about it all day and have a hard time sleeping at night because I can't stop thinking about it. Knowing that I hurt someone like that just eats at me till I fianally flat out ask them. Now occasionally doing that wouldn't bother most people, but if it's repeated, and repeated...people can get tired of it and not want to be around me and I totally understand that. I wouldn't be around me either, if I didn't have to be. At home I am totally comfortable. It's just me and my husband and our son. I can relax at home. But by the time I get home from work, I'm so emotionally wound up that my spring is sprung and I don't work anymore. I got nothing left. That means no housework, no dishes, dinner, clean toilets, vacuuming. And it's like I don't even care anymore. I just don't. This is just one facet of the little gem that is my life but I don't want to go on and on. If I can help anyone, I'd be happy to do so. If you need to talk I'll listen.
Mar 19, 2009
Apr 10, 2009