I am having severe depression this past month. After 2 years of sobriety I got drunk on Monday. 2-3 doctors have diagnosed my with borderline personality disorder, and the symptons fit me but for cutting. I need help. The reason I got drunk is that I have melasma, and had just spent 3000 on a laser which made it worse. I have had melasma for three years, and I just couldn't take it anymore, I used to be pretty now so ugly. I have had severe panic attacks since I was 17, and been hospitalized for alcoholism at least 5x.

I have also attempted suicide and been hospitalized for depression.  I have a husband and two young children who love me, and I don't want to die and leave them, but I am so tired of battling melasma, not being able to go outside, and just looking in the mirror.  I was hit by a drunk driver exactly 3 years ago and it wrecked my back and pelvis, but since I am in bed all the time they don't bother me.  But it did give me PTSD as driving has always been a fear.  I don't go to AA,  I know I should but right now I don't want anyone to see me.  My children know something is very wrong, and this is literally making my husband physically ill to see me in this state.