I don't like myself, I am tired of living, I do not fit in this world,and I have no purpose here. I always think people are against me and I don't know why. I am a good kind person and would give anybody the shirt off my back , I will go without to see someone else happy. I have four kids and five grandchildren. I love my grandchildren more than live. I was with them all the time. But now I don,t see them much I live in another town and don't have a car I lost everything because of depression (house,car, and now my family because I run out of money to give them (22,28,33,32) It hurt so much.
I have had a ruff childhood if you can think of it, it happened to me. given away to others ( not family members) when I was 4 years old ( beaten, sexual abused, and put down all the time. wet the bed and got beat for it). given back to my mother at 6 years old.Still the same things beaten, locked in a closet, hands burnt on stove molested by grandfather, told I was stupid no good. And I never did anything wrong. But I grew up and got past it so I thought. Was married for 30 years still the same thing mental abuse told I fat , stupid, Then I got divorced And It all came crashing down I have been depressed now for about 10 years. I hate myself I am worthless, and I am dumb . I can't say or do anything without someone criticising me. It just not worth talking or doing anything but staying in my room alone. that's where I feel safe. Thats where I belong. I have tried counseling and my counselor is great my doctor takes care me. But I say, is it worth it ( I don't think so) I have no purpose in live and nobody cares anyway. whats the use.
May 24, 2008
Jan 21, 2010