I am 26 years old and I live in Portugal, Europe. I stopped working for about 8 months now, and I try to work as a freelancer building websites for people. I am engaged and live with my fiance. My life is better than to be expected regarding the disease, although bad moments also appear.
I was first diagnosed in 2005 with a depression, while I was in my 3rd year in college. I was constantly thinking of death and that everybody was going to die. So I start taking anti-depressives. But the pills were not working, and hipomania showed up when I started to stay up during all night, and was too excited and too hysterical, beyond normal. So in 2006 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder type II. I started to take Lithium, some mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics. I gained a lot of weight because of the pills, I barely finished college, I lost almost everyone around since I did not want to socialize. I met terrible people since my judgement about people became really weird.
I started working after college, it did not go very well. I went on and off jobs. I have a lot of trouble waking up and staying up for the entire day. I guess it's the pills. So it took me 4 years, to completely quit working.
Since 2005 I tried to kill myself several times. Once I really almost died, went into coma, and the doctors told my family that there was nothing to be done. But I survived. I cut my arms and legs whenever I feel really bad. I still think about death, I am always afraid that everyone I love is going to die. So I imagine them dying.
Life could be easier, but it also could be worse. I am happy sometimes. Most of the times I am neutral. That is enough for me. I take my pills. I found out that anti-psychotics are really efficient. I hope to be able to get back to work some day, and maybe to have children. I am not sure if I will be able to be a mom since I can't even take care of myself, but these are my expectations.
Sep 07, 2011
Jun 17, 2012