I am a 17 year old boy with mental illness and I am here to meet other sick people, especially those with mental illness but it'd be good to talk to anyone with any disease. I've had mental illness for as long as I can remember. My primary diagnosis at present is Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD. However, I have now been given a provisional diagnosis of personality disorder.
I can't help feeling that there was an essential part of me that has now perished and I will never be able to enjoy the world around me. I can alternate my thinking in an instant feeling like it was something I was born with and something I am choosing for myself. I wonder how I am going to survive another fifty or sixty years being the way that I am. Right now I live in my bedroom isolated from everything and everyone because it's just so much easier that way. When I'm not desperately distracting myself by smoking cigarette after cigarette or spending endless amounts of time on internet forums, I will often lay in the dark under my duvet on the worst of days and think about all the pills I could take or just the feeling of what dragging a blade across my skin would be like.
In my view, my mental health affects every aspect of my daily life causing me perpetual torment. I have had severe and enduring mental illness all my adolescent life and most of my childhood. There has been a long history of Mental Health Services involvement throughout my life. I've been and continue to be a victim of the ‘revolving door syndrome’; and spend much of my life in and out of different psychiatric settings. To this end, I have had 27 inpatient hospital admissions (13 of which have been funded by the NHS), 3 daypatient admissions and 15 referrals to outpatient services. All of my symptoms and behaviours have culminated to a point where I now have ingrained patterns of maladaptive behaviours which have resulted in a likely overall diagnosis of Emerging and Severe Personality Disorder.
Jul 03, 2011
Apr 01, 2013