“I am just a young woman doing the best I can in this life…Believing in my dreams, and getting back up every time I am stomped and sqiushed into the ground like dirt no matter what. No one will prevent me from finishing what God wants me to do in this life. They may take a part of me with them, but I still have God, and that is all…I need to continue in this life. My whole life has been this long journey of taking the wrong paths in life.”
I am starting to see a piece of the big picture. WOW, that took an extremely long time just to receive such a small piece of what God has in store with me. I have had amazing instruments of God in my life, and at this point in my life, I am very thankful for them. My teenage life was a long journey, and frustrating to keep backsliding as I tried so hard to get closer to Jesus…
I am finally after all this time seeing a bigger plan in store. I am excited, but in the back of my mind I am actually still scared because I know I have had so many backslides. Now those backslide I hang on to God with all my might… when I cannot He hangs on to me. God is so comforting in times of need I am finding if you can give him all of your trust. Do not some parts or some of your trust BUT IN EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE!
Trials that I have had have been so hard, because most people judge before they know. Listen to me anyone who is young, or old struggling in this world. Seriously, I have been through SO much, and Jesus is the way to peace, and salvation. I was a self-harmer for 12-13 years, and I am only 26.
I have put my trust in Jesus more, and more with this issue. I went from doing it that much too a couple times a year the past few years. I struggle, but by far not like, I did. I thought that was my only way for so long to stay alive because I could not feel. Now that Its been 15month since I have not harmed!
I finally gave my life to Jesus 10 years ago, and thank you so much for bringing me to the Lord...I cannot image life now if I had not because I would not be alive anymore if I was not open to God.
I had wonderful people who did their best to give me insight, and I don’t know why I cannot remember much though I do remember some of those times in my life. I praise the Lord everyday for making me who I am. I used to hate myself for a while because I have so many scars I did myself. It is painful when you finally realize that was not what I should have been doing.
However, I have so much insight into this side of life that I am well prepared to help others like me. I also have bipolar disorder, anxiety, PTSD from being abused etc., and ADHD. You know what though? Every trial I have had meant something. Every scar I have reminds me that I’ve come so far, and it’s so funny because when we are weakest we are strongest in our God.
Every trial I will have will too, but I am doing better with giving trust to God. It was scary thing to deal with all this, and felt so alone. Yet, I knew, and know that Jesus went through so much more than I ever could in this world. It is helping me to know more of how Jesus felt with his time on this earth to die for us.
I am not that quiet young teen much anymore. You know many people laugh at me because I have so much trust in the Lord, but that’s okay I am understand the whole “Jesus Freak” thing now. I may have been a little late, but hey, I made it to understand
I deal with a lot of physical pain too, because I have Osteogenesis Imperfecta, which is a glass bone structure. I also have a fractured spine five times from this that cannot be fixed, six broken bones in my arm-dislocated elbow, both of my hips that all cannot be fixed. As well as two broken ribs, and a wired shut chest wall that did not heal either. I also have fibromyalgia, which deals which is a chronic disorder that causes a ton of pain in the whole body. So, trust me people I understand pain. More than one person usually has but that is quiet all right.
I need those extra trials to keep me close to God I am finding because I am very stubborn! We have one-life people, and I finally have the courage to be open about all of this. Please think before you act, and pray in every situation. Praise on the wonderful days that they are SO wonderful. Worship in your struggles because it will give you comfort.
Have a joyful heart for everyday you have to praise our God! Most of all, and I cannot stress this enough is STAY IN THE WORD. I have stopped reading the words for periods of time when I am struggling, and more recently when I have such a busy schedule. It doesn’t matter how busy you are seriously..THIS is so important…your talking to the queen of I do not want to do this…Oh ill do it later…You know procrastination!!! I still do it, but I am quicker to get back into it. I am not saying I do not have any hardships anymore, but being closer with God helps me get through them.
I think I may actually have more on my plate than ever before, and I am doing well though. Glory to my God He is so wonderful. I deal with taking many medications, I still deal with mental, and physical pain. For example, right now I have been sick for months besides my regular pain. I see so many doctors, but it is alright. I am joyful because my eyes are finally wide open for Jesus. It is an amazing feeling that I cannot describe. Praise to him for finally giving me a piece of the picture though! LOL
“21When my heart was grieved, and my spirit embittered, 22I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. 23Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. 24You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. 25Whom have I in heaven but you? Moreover, earth has nothing I desire besides you. 26My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 27Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.28But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.”--Psalm 73:21-28 (NIV) is my life verses!---My life verses!
Jan 29, 2011
Jun 19, 2012