Even tho I have been plagued by both physical and psychiatric problems for many years I have a good life. The physical are a result, for the most part, of the abuse I suffered for the first 20+ years of my life at the hands of both parents, at home and in a Satanic cult. I have been diagnosed with DID and have integrated, at least it is under control. Chronic depression and dissociation are part of daily life, I have learned to keep doing something so as not to become a vegetable. Few understand the energy it takes to maintain both physical and mental illness successfully, I'm always tired.
I live the perfect life for someone dealing with physical and mental illnesses. I live in a log cabin on 5 acres, play a small harp and because I am disabled I can develop my talents in needlework and on the harp. I must admit, however, that the combination sometimes becomes almost too hard to handle. Doctors so often don't believe that I am experiencing problems when they see I am a psychiatric patient. My blood tests almost always come out normal. I don't run temperatures. I don't look sick. And I don't feel pain. I am sometimes angry that I must live in this body which has many problems as a result of 20 years of abuse which did not allow it to develop as others. I have an ileostomy, which isn't too bad because it is a continent one. I am on an IV many hours a day because my body doesn't stay hydrated.
Funny thing is that I rarely complain and count my many blessings every day. I know that the DID saved my life. I know that God has a plan for me and I try very hard to let people know that He has never given me more challenges than I can handle. I know that I have been an inspiration to several people and by my example they have gotten through some really difficult stuff. And that alone makes my life worth living.
Sep 28, 2009
Jan 04, 2010