i was diagnosed bipolar 1 last year but more i know about this illness,i had symtoms all my life. my sister died 7 years ago due to complication (stroke)of bipolar. at the time, i never thought i had anything because i was hipomanic most of the time i had no idea what she was going thru.. then, i went into deep depresson after divorce and everythig started like hurrican. when she was still alive, suicide was the topic she would always talk about. it's beyond my understanding how brain can make you think the way that you would never nomally think,

on the other hand, having bipolar gave me a gift to built around my proffesional dance career. in my good manic state in young age i was creative,happy,energetic and fearless. my depressive state is horrible with shameness, worthlessness, and suicidalness.

id like to hit some where in the middle..normal ,but .. i know i won't reach my goal unless i take care of my tramua (chaildhood abuse and divorce) this all seems "karma" to me i was beaten and abusted from my dad and in a way, i acted like my dad towards my family really not knowingly,i guess this is why we are born..to live,have fun,suffer or anything you go thru and to learn and grow from it. i really don't know how to grow from this point..like to share your thoughts.