I am the wife of a very wonderful man, and the mother of two daughters & three dogs.  Before I fell into the absolute bottom of this pit, I used to be an Addictions Nurse, who loved her job and her clients with all her heart. Unfortunately last year my days of having a job came to an end with the progression of this super low. I just couldn't deal with the stress anymore.

I call it a super low cause I have never experienced a high. For me, getting out of bed is a good day, to the grocery store is considered a great day.  My husband works over the road 5 days a week, so he doesn't really get to experience how this effects me.  I'm thankful he isn't here for much of it, but on the other hand, he is my only support system.

I visited the Doctor yesterday and we both decided its time to have ECT.  He asked what I felt about the memory loss and I asked him " What do I really have that I want to remember, month after month of misery?"  If I can cash in the dark days for some sunshine, I'll do what ever it takes. I have no fear of the procedure, I figure why should I, I'm at a point in my depression that if given the choice of living or dieing, I would pick the dieing.  I'm so tired of this F#$ked up world I live in. How fair is this disease to my family? A Mom who hates leaving the house.  A wife who can't get up and do at least some of chores so its not all left to her husband on his only day off.  I have nothing to lose by trying ECT and everything to gain if it brings peace to my F#$ked up mind. 

I'm thankful I found this forum cause I know I will find others here, who understand what I'm saying.  If you ever want to chat feel free to send me a message! I welcome new opinions and friendships.  People like us cherish those who understand us!