PatientsLikeMe ™

I was raised to be self analytical.

In the 17 years (so far) ive been seeing physcologists/physciatrists i have been DIAGNOSED (yes, professionally)as being; obssessive compulsive, major depressive, bipolar, social phobic, back to major depressive(scratch the manic depression), having social anxiety, dysthymic, and now, as of only a few days ago, after being told a little less than a year ago by my old psychiatrist that "there is no way, i just dont fit the symptoms, etc"...im being told IM FUCKING BIPOLAR!

Ive gone from being addamently anti-medication, believing healing/"stability" would come through positivity, a heathly diet, meditation, reflection, all that hippy shit... well, that didnt work and i spent 2 and half years in bed, cutting off contact from anyone who cared, trying to work up the motivation to even shower. now, i turn to lithium. if this kills the minute amout of creativity, passion, and imagination i have left im gonna be pissed. but, ill try anything once.

if youre ever in texas and need professional help emotionally, MOVE. only then do i suggest you seek it. Doctors can be helpful, but theyre human.

However, i feel im lucky when  i look around and see my idiot "peers", with their self inflicted bullshit and feeling of self entitlement. in comparison, i believe im at a coherent advantage. So what if i lose my temper every once in a while, feel euphoria in place of genuine happiness, occasionally cry a littler harder than usual? Im an insignificant speck in relation to this world... if i died today, sure my friends and family would be sad, but in the big picture, wouldnt make a fucking bit of difference... earth would still revolve. AND I REALIZE THAT. im grounded, intelligent, passionate, loving, and genuine. and, also, a little neurotic. oh, and crazies occasionally rant.