Diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder - rapid cycling a year and a half ago. Finally know why I have been this way my whole life. Not too happy about the diagnosis. My family will not accept my mental illness. They are in more denial than I am. I struggle with my illness. I like to pretend I don't have it and go off my meds sometimes. Always end up on the edge of the cliff and break down to being teachable again. Back on meds. After many years and tears I finally understand myself. I was pretty numbed out for years due to alcoholism. I got sober 14 years ago and have seen many doctors who all have prescribed every medication at one time or another. Nothing seemed to work, at least not for very long. Finally took matters into my own hands and went to a psych and I am so glad I did. Now finally I am starting to feel human. I tapered off the antidepressants and started taking antiseizure meds, which treats bipolar disorder. I still have a lot of anxiety, but the extremes of depression and mania have improved. I take Lamictal and Depakote. My moods really went off the map for a few months until the meds got them somewhat under control. After several months I felt better and stopped the meds, the therapy and seeing the psych. Now I am struggling again to control my moods, mostly anxiety and irritability. Thinking I should go back on. Why don't I just stay on the meds?!!